Sickly singing


Boredom makes you do very goofy things.

Love After Death

I can’t accept that the love we have in this life is only temporary.

I must believe that our love will burn it’s mark on this world; It won’t be gone forever when we are ingrained in the earth.

Our eyes will no longer see,but I’ll still feel you next to me.

Our Body, drained of life, but I must believe our love will remain,forever.

Midnight thoughts

Tonight I have a lot of thoughts, and I can’t sleep.
Well, every day I have a lot of thoughts.
But I feel like putting them down on the iPhone right now.I’ve been thinking a lot about how I was as a child.
Since I can remember, I was always very reserved, and closed off. I don’t know why, but the thought of what other people might think of me, scared me.Scared me to the point where I tried not to talk so much. I remember, it was the summer before my fifth grade year. I was starting a new school. I was so excited. A fresh start. A chance to meet new friends. I remember writing in my journal, “I hope I will be popular, and everyone will like me.” My first day of school, I was so afraid to talk to people and no one would say a word to me. I was so crippled with the thought that I would say something dumb, or they just wouldn’t like me for one reason or another.

Lunchtime rolled around, I sat alone. Recess came, I sat alone.For a whole week I sat alone, because no one would talk to me. I couldn’t just have the confidence to know that what I would say would be of some value and maybe that I would be of some value to my classmates.
After one of the loneliest,saddest weeks of my young life ended. Someone finally came up and talked to me. I had friends, but no friends outside of school. I didn’t want anyone to get too close; they would know the real me. I wasn’t good enough for anyone to know the real me.That pattern would follow me throughout the course of my life.

Staying silent,watching the other kids make connections while I faded into the background,silent,living in my head. Music,poetry and movies were my friends. I did have some human “friends”,people I would follow blindly. I did what they did because I wanted to fit in. Little did I know fitting in would cause me to grow up too fast, and deplete any self esteem I used to have.
Growing up, I wish I would have appreciated who I was. I wasn’t the prettiest,the smartest, the coolest,or the most outgoing,but I had a lot of heart. I had a lot of spirit and vision. I was a dreamer,a thinker, a gazer of the universe.
I let a lot people take my confidence,my dreams and my innocence away. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment in time that the world broke me and made me so afraid, but it did.And because of that I’ve had to spend a lot of years trying to build myself back up and just when I think I’m unbreakable; the world comes and shatters me into smaller pieces.
I’ve overcome a lot of internal battles that I don’t think a lot of people, if anyone, has seen because it’s really hard for me to open up. The thought of someone using my words against me makes me tremble in fear. So,Here I am for all to see, my head cracked open. The real me. I am a work in progress. I’m weak, but I am strong. I am sensitive,

I’m cautious,inquisitive,resilient,emotional,loving,and overthinking little me! I want to be confident in who I am; for the first time in my life I want to love all the imperfect aspects of myself, and know that they are beautiful because I can see their beauty. At the end of the day self perception is all that matters. A new day has come, I am Queen Victoria. Ruler of her mind, conqueror of her thoughts. Forever, victorious. Yes, I am the queen of me. I like the sound of that.

HOWL

When I listen to the wind howl I know there’s a place for me here, now.
The sound fills the darkest spaces in my mind, and my loneliness doesn’t seem so strange.

I belong here,
I belong here.

The sound of her solitude brings me solace. We’re all alone here,forsaken.
I’m not the only one; even she cries.

Her sorrow floods around me, I can hear it in the trees.
Her sorrow floods around me, I’m wading knee deep.

Her sorrow has become me
When I listen to the wind howl….

The Muse In You

I’m inspired by everything.
People’s stories,what’s in their heart.
Good and evil.
Misery and pleasure.
The earth and her mysteries.
Her stories,her rage.
The plagues she releases that find us.
Our oblivion that bind us.
I’m inspired by everything.
The universe is my muse.

Material Paradise

You take pictures of yourself.
You think that they care about what you are.
Sweetie,you are surely mistaken.

They don’t care about what you have to offer.
They only want what you have.
They only want what you got.
Don’t give these fools another one of your thoughts.
Or you’ll be wishing for what they got.

Maybe you’re the greatest fool of them all,thinking that they’d still give a damn if you would fall.
If you lost it all,they wouldn’t stop to look at all pictures on your wall.

They only want what you have.
They only want what you got.

Don’t give these fools another one of your thoughts or you’ll be the one wishing for what they got.

Now, leave the materials behind
Leave your possessions behind- with them.

They can live In a fools paradise while you and I fly.

Bipolar Self-esteem

Sometimes I feel so empty that the world could come down on me, and crush my soul.

Other times I feel full enough where I believe I could almost rule the world.

Split perspective: The Deep Sea and The People

The Deep Sea

This misery puts a fire in my heart.
This pain gives me depth,But that’s all I have;
Because I know that it’s not making me any friends.
I tell myself,
“The deepest of water never has any visitors.
The shallow is where all the people want to go.
No one wants to drowned in the swirling abyss of your unknown.
No one wants to take a chance on you;
You’ll swallow them whole !
But don’t drain yourself of what makes you full -to satisfy the others.
Who gives a damn if you’re a place that no one wants to go.
Your mystery is what makes you beautiful.
So let them wonder what it’s like to be apart of your secret world;
Because they’ll never know.”

” The People”

Your waters they captivate me.

They pull me in;
I can feel the salt touch my lips.

They quiver
They quiver

I would gladly swallow all that you are;
Although I know it would only leave me begging for more.

You play tricks on me;
You make me believe that your good for me.

You’re just salt water
You’re just salt water

You disappear in the sun,
But I can still feel where you used to be-inside me.

Thought of the moment #2

The greatest tragedy in my life is that I never let anyone see the real me.

The She Devil Spits: Reign of Blood

I’m the underdog
Queen of the under world
My heart is fire
My words are ice
So distant,so cold
I’ll make sure that hell freezes over;
I’m taking over

This world will wish they never spoke of me, they will wish they would of kept their lips zipped
Because once I get started
I will never quit

I’m not broken, I cant be fixed
I’m just not equipped to fit the mold
you’ve provided
None of your worldly possessions can bribe me to leave this world behind because your world is now my possession

I’ll make sure there’s nothing left
Expect nothing less than total destruction; I’ll slaughter all of you.
I’ll never give another thought to you.
it’s my reign fueled by blood and pain
Yours is over-
I watch the blood drain.