Author Archives: write2sleep

Singular Suffering Species 

I often wonder if all this suffering will benefit me some how.

Will it teach me strength, and perseverance?

Will I change the world some how? No matter how big or how small?

Or will I die suffering my whole life; never gaining the courage to change my ways or step out side of my narrow perspective ? 

Will I lie in the ground, with only a life of suffering and nothing to show for it all?  

Am I just a body to be absorbed back into the earth from which I came from, my purpose nothing more; To live a life only at face value and then to be swallowed into the ground once more? 

Am I just here to exist and then rot away in oblivion ? 

If that’s all we are- just as equal as an ant, or an owl; why are we so complex somehow ?

Why are we so different than every living thing on this planet? 

Why are we designed to suffer slow and painfully, while every other living thing lives in ignorance? 

We are the only species that can make ourselves suffer. 

Maybe that’s all we’re meant to do? 

I ache for my mind to be touched.

I ache for you to fill the empty spaces inside me and make me feel alive.

I don’t want to be lonely.

For you,I’ll open myself up.

Lay me down- inject me with your truth.

Fill and spill around me.
I’m aching for you.

Some days I feel everything at once

My heart beats so fast as every memory flashes through my head

I want to speak of them

My breathing slows down and a lump begins to form in my throat

I quickly swallow it

I can’t let anyone know the depths of my soul

Silent I will stay

it’s the only thing I’ve known

I’ve known infatuation.I’ve known lust, but I never have known love- until you. You and I meet in the middle; Where lust and love collide.

All the others seemed hollow. I could never hear their heart beat, no matter how hard I tried. I lie my head on your chest and I can hear it; I can feel your heart beat strong. A sigh of relief, I know you are real. No imaginary lovers.No imaginary friends. 

I can feel you in my hands,your breath on my chest, our minds intertwining. No more searching; our love- it binds us. 

Sickly singing

Boredom makes you do very goofy things.

Love After Death

I can’t accept that the love we have in this life is only temporary.

I must believe that our love will burn it’s mark on this world; It won’t be gone forever when we are ingrained in the earth.

Our eyes will no longer see,but I’ll still feel you next to me.

Our Body, drained of life, but I must believe our love will remain,forever.

Midnight thoughts

Tonight I have a lot of thoughts, and I can’t sleep.
Well, every day I have a lot of thoughts.
But I feel like putting them down on the iPhone right now.I’ve been thinking a lot about how I was as a child.
Since I can remember, I was always very reserved, and closed off. I don’t know why, but the thought of what other people might think of me, scared me.Scared me to the point where I tried not to talk so much. I remember, it was the summer before my fifth grade year. I was starting a new school. I was so excited. A fresh start. A chance to meet new friends. I remember writing in my journal, “I hope I will be popular, and everyone will like me.” My first day of school, I was so afraid to talk to people and no one would say a word to me. I was so crippled with the thought that I would say something dumb, or they just wouldn’t like me for one reason or another.

Lunchtime rolled around, I sat alone. Recess came, I sat alone.For a whole week I sat alone, because no one would talk to me. I couldn’t just have the confidence to know that what I would say would be of some value and maybe that I would be of some value to my classmates.
After one of the loneliest,saddest weeks of my young life ended. Someone finally came up and talked to me. I had friends, but no friends outside of school. I didn’t want anyone to get too close; they would know the real me. I wasn’t good enough for anyone to know the real me.That pattern would follow me throughout the course of my life.

Staying silent,watching the other kids make connections while I faded into the background,silent,living in my head. Music,poetry and movies were my friends. I did have some human “friends”,people I would follow blindly. I did what they did because I wanted to fit in. Little did I know fitting in would cause me to grow up too fast, and deplete any self esteem I used to have.
Growing up, I wish I would have appreciated who I was. I wasn’t the prettiest,the smartest, the coolest,or the most outgoing,but I had a lot of heart. I had a lot of spirit and vision. I was a dreamer,a thinker, a gazer of the universe.
I let a lot people take my confidence,my dreams and my innocence away. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment in time that the world broke me and made me so afraid, but it did.And because of that I’ve had to spend a lot of years trying to build myself back up and just when I think I’m unbreakable; the world comes and shatters me into smaller pieces.
I’ve overcome a lot of internal battles that I don’t think a lot of people, if anyone, has seen because it’s really hard for me to open up. The thought of someone using my words against me makes me tremble in fear. So,Here I am for all to see, my head cracked open. The real me. I am a work in progress. I’m weak, but I am strong. I am sensitive,

I’m cautious,inquisitive,resilient,emotional,loving,and overthinking little me! I want to be confident in who I am; for the first time in my life I want to love all the imperfect aspects of myself, and know that they are beautiful because I can see their beauty. At the end of the day self perception is all that matters. A new day has come, I am Queen Victoria. Ruler of her mind, conqueror of her thoughts. Forever, victorious. Yes, I am the queen of me. I like the sound of that.


When I listen to the wind howl I know there’s a place for me here, now.
The sound fills the darkest spaces in my mind, and my loneliness doesn’t seem so strange.

I belong here,
I belong here.

The sound of her solitude brings me solace. We’re all alone here,forsaken.
I’m not the only one; even she cries.

Her sorrow floods around me, I can hear it in the trees.
Her sorrow floods around me, I’m wading knee deep.

Her sorrow has become me
When I listen to the wind howl….

The Muse In You

I’m inspired by everything.
People’s stories,what’s in their heart.
Good and evil.
Misery and pleasure.
The earth and her mysteries.
Her stories,her rage.
The plagues she releases that find us.
Our oblivion that bind us.
I’m inspired by everything.
The universe is my muse.

Material Paradise

You take pictures of yourself.
You think that they care about what you are.
Sweetie,you are surely mistaken.

They don’t care about what you have to offer.
They only want what you have.
They only want what you got.
Don’t give these fools another one of your thoughts.
Or you’ll be wishing for what they got.

Maybe you’re the greatest fool of them all,thinking that they’d still give a damn if you would fall.
If you lost it all,they wouldn’t stop to look at all pictures on your wall.

They only want what you have.
They only want what you got.

Don’t give these fools another one of your thoughts or you’ll be the one wishing for what they got.

Now, leave the materials behind
Leave your possessions behind- with them.

They can live In a fools paradise while you and I fly.