Thoughts of Loss
It’s the moment between sleep and awake that my thoughts of you are most potent. The truth that you’re no longer here is abundantly clear- it hits me like a two ton truck and suddenly the reality of this loss feels fresh.
I can literally feel the breath leave me and I feel a pain shoot through my body, it hurts so bad knowing that this is real and I feel helpless.
As sudden as I feel the physical pain of your death, a memory of you pops in my head just as fast-
It’s early morning and you’re off work that day. I feel groggy and barely awake as I’m sitting at the dinning room table; I’m not in the mood to talk but you approach me with the morning paper in your hand. Suddenly, in your loud booming voice you demand that I look at the comics, chuckling to yourself because you always got a kick out of the comics-
I was confused and almost annoyed how someone could be that excited about comics, let alone anything, at 730am. but it was amusing how the most minuscule things brought you so much joy and you always had to share that joy with others. And that’s what I miss about you the most.
I miss you showing me things that I would never notice or think about; I miss your perspective of the world and all these feelings come flooding back to me at 3am.