How do I kill the thoughts running around in my head when my thoughts are who I am? 

When people talk about depression they sometimes refer to it as demons. A completely separate entity than themselves. 

But I don’t have demons. I just have me.

This pain, this jaded out look, is me. 

It’s been me since I can remember, my earliest memory when I was 3.

How do you run away from that?

How do I run away from me?

Some people turn to drugs, alcohol and even suicide just to escape the pain of their own thoughts, to forget the pain of being themselves. 

I can’t do that, I don’t want to forget who I am. Although my thoughts, those certain parts of myself I hate can sometimes outweigh the good, There are still good parts of myself that I love that I would never want to forget. 

As of lately my negative thoughts, my negative self has taken over the person I loved and I’m so lost on how to get her back. I’m lost on how to unearth her from the wreckage of my jaded, self loathing thoughts. 

I dig so deep, sifting through the damaged parts of me to find that one good, positive thought and it says to get help. “Reach out your hand and find someone to dig out the good that you think you lost, it’s not too late. Shes still here.” 

Getting help is the first step to enhancing your positive thoughts.

I would say it is the first step to beat depression, but I don’t know if beating it is an option for me. But I want to be able to function and quiet those depressing, negative thoughts. I don’t know if they will ever truly go away but I want my positive thoughts to be louder. I want my positive thoughts to shine through and be the majority of who i am and maybe that’s what beating depression means for me? 


About write2sleep

If you are looking for a well structured blog with correct punctuation and sentence formation, you have come to the wrong blog. My writing style reflects my mind- COMPLETE CHAOS. For the ones who are restless..if you can't fall right to sleep ;Write2sleep.

Posted on March 8, 2016, in Poetry. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. You are not your thoughts. Negative or positive ones. You are beyond your thoughts. The more you rely on thoughts the more you fuel them. But you are, even and mostly, in silence, stillness, you will be well. Peace.

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