Monthly Archives: May 2012

I Love You To The Moon and Back

 

You are the stable ground that I have longed to walk on

You are the constant in a life of confusion and disarray

You are the real in a world of the artificial

You are the truth when I am clouded by lies

You are the reassurance when I feel doubt

You are the light when I am blinded by the Dark

You are the Moon and the stars that that keeps my eyes looking north

You are the sun that warms my flesh when I feel coldness

You are the love that fuels my passion, calms my mind and excites my dreams

You, are the one thing that keeps me breathing

The small world of cruel lovers.

Can one event of the present change everything in the past?

I ask myself this question after hearing evil things about someone I used to be close with.

Although  things didn’t work out with this person and myself I still had semi-good thoughts about the person. Generally, we had a good realtionship when we were close.He never mistreated me,and this person may have even helped me gain a better self esteem which I appreciated. We just weren’t on the same page. We had different outlooks on where we wanted our lives to go which was normal. That carried us apart, which i thought was for the best.I thought he was misguided but not evil,and since I figured he was misguided i didn’t have any negative feelings towards him until recently.

It’s funny how small the world is. And it’s funny how people talk. The truth always finds it’s way no matter how soon or how late.

the other day my friend calls me and explains that she has a funny story to tell me. As friends, we always like telling each other funny things we hear and crazy things that happen during our day.But, the story she was about to tell me included that person I used to be close with.

It turned out that this person that I used to think so highly of,this person that i used to be so close with, a person i thought i knew, wasn’t the person i thought they were at all.

The person I thought i knew, never mistreated women. He may have been cruel to some so called friends. But he never mistreated a women.

He took advantage of an innocent girl, maybe a girl that didn’t know much about love,or much about lust.She couldn’t see the signs that he was using her for her body not her mind. I don’t know her but i know he took a part of her that she can’t get back. She broke her vow, not for love but for lust. And it was all his fault. He took advantage of a girl who was looking for love and broke her trust. In my eyes that is one of the worst things you can do to a person.

Does he know the mistrust she will always carry with her? Does he know of the doubt that will follow her into love? Does he know the self hatred she will bare all because he wanted someone to please him physically?

If he knew all the mind numbing torture she would endure just because one moment of lust that got out of control , do you think he would of done it? I’m sure.Because hes not the man i thought he was. He has no honor.

Maybe it’s all the smoke he inhales that warped him, maybe it altered his mind.

I don’t know what changed him,or maybe he was like this all along.

Maybe the time I spent with him was a lie, when i think of it I know it was a lie.

All the compliments, memories, notes and cards were all just a lie

and i’m okay with that, but I would be lying if i said all these false memories didn’t make me weary of the love that I hold today. His lies, and the liars i have faced before him have only made my current love have to work harder to win my trust.

But, Luckily what I have today is true because he doesn’t mind that he has to work harder then the others in my past because he’s the one that gets to hold me forever.

I can only wish for the innocent girl that he hurt, that she can find a person that is willing to work harder than anyone to win her love and trust. Because once a girl’s heart is bruised it takes an angel and an army to heal the pain of past cruel lovers.

I am always aimlessly wandering in this desolate place searching for someone to make me feel whole.

My faith starts to diminish because day by day I still feel the void within me.

I use these pen strokes in hope I can get this out and maybe I’ll feel okay;

but now that my weary empty heart is plain as day for everyone to see I choose to go into hiding;

To hide away from the eyes that have pity for me because I don’t belong.

I don’t want your pity.

I want your love and that is something that I just cannot have.