Monthly Archives: December 2011

I Don’t Have Faith In Much, But I Have Faith In You

When I was young I discovered angels didn’t exist. After my findings I wondered if life was meaningless and empty,A dark abyss sealed with hope that someone greater than ourselves existed.
The thought that life was only something that was based on uncertainty made me uneasy,until I met you.
 I realized angels don’t have to be dressed in white with wings and halos,they can be made up of warm flesh and go to great lengths to make you laugh;and let you know that it’s okay that life is only based on the hope of happiness.

My thoughts at 3:30…

I feel lately all I do is work. Im 19 years old i should be fucking around doing whatever, right?

And by fucking around i don’t mean getting fucked up like 98% of the people I know.

Because honestly that’s a waste to me. I want to just have fun with a sober mind, high off life, As corny as that sounds.

Some of the worst things have happened to me when i was any kind of messed up. I don’t choose to relive those moments

unlike half of the dumb ass people i know that continue to get drunk every night regardless of the way it fucks up their lives.I just want to

remember my days, and be happy, goofing around, carefree, enjoying every minute of this beautiful crazy life.

Maybe I see life in a different way, different from most of the people in my age group. Probably why I don’t have many close friends.

I only have one close friend that I have remained friends with over the last few years.and i think i know why we’ve stayed close even after all the bullshit we’ve been through, it because she sees things the way that I do.

Anyone else I have come in contact with is usual some kind of pothead ,alcoholic and the only reason i tolerated them was the mere fact that I thought they could change.

The sad truth though, is that people who party now and think “oh, im young ,im just having fun, ill grow out of it” but really those people will struggle with some kind of drug and alcohol addiction for atleast part of their life.

Believe me im not some prude whose preaching. Im just giving the facts here.

Like i said before I’ve dabbled into partying and what not and it’s not always bad. If it’s once in a while and you have control.

But people now a days take it to a different level and consider it a lifestyle

I think people as a whole are just more messed up then they’ve ever been

Everyone has the need to cover up the way they really feel with all this artificial bullshit because we’re all so afraid to show our true selves and we know no other way to connect with each other.

I wish i could go back to a time where people weren’t afraid to be who they really are. We could just converse without the drugs and other bullshit and just relate to each other, we could be human.

Who knows if a time like that ever existed though.

I guess where im going with all this is that i’ve been working a whole lot and even though im emerged in society, working in retail and all. I still feel a need to connect. I don’t feel a real connection with a lot of people. Almost no one. Any one else ever feel that way?

Overworked and Unconnected

Sorry its almost 4 oclock my thoughts are going haywire.

I wonder if this will make sense when i read it tomorrow?

I guess I should sleep.. 10a to midnight (double shift) oh joy

Goodnight… 🙂 ( still smiling)

Forever Lonely

I know he thinks I try too hard to get inside of his mind

But,I don’t think he knows how much I need this

I long for connection, he keeps shutting me down

And once i feel that your wall is up I don’t think ill have enough strength to knock it down

So If you love me, please leave an opening for me, just for me, that little opening will be my secret.

Relationships I had before reminded me of how much i was alone

Whether it was their anger or drugs, there always was a distance

They secluded me from the world

And what for ?so,they could have their own personal toy?

I can’t go through that again

So if you love me, you better fucking show me.

I’m sick of hearing these people say that they want me forever

But honestly I dont want a forever that has me feeling lonely

so if you love me you better fucking show me

And if you cant, I can be on my own then I’ll have an excuse to feel all alone.