Monthly Archives: August 2011
I’ve always run away from the light
Never knowing why darkness was my haven
Why am I unafraid of the creatures of the night
but angels scare me half to death
White feathered wings, and beautiful glowing halos
Make me run and hide
This reverse terror makes me question who I am inside
But i’ve figured out I’m a coward I know these demons won’t judge me
I let them hang around, they expect nothing from me, and I like it that way
The angels give me an unapproved look when they see all the sins that ive committed
Their light exposes my dark and I stand out to the saints, I cant stand it
So I’d rather Hide in the dark,blend in and fade away
This blood loss makes me weak
Been trying to talk myself out of this mutilation for weeks
Don’t you dare try to touch me nothing you do will make me feel alright
Close my eyes, try to breathe but these tears wont stop ,no surprise
I feel lonely for the last time,my little self-esteem problem makes me say goodnight
And I know No one will notice when I’m gone
Never let anyone close enough to see what they’d be missing if I’d ever leave
I’ll take my last breath, and no one will miss me when the bloods all gone
I’ll say hi to the angels or devils for all the friends that I could have made
But I lost them somewhere along the way
When I was bleeding out, they were out
I take a walk through these pearly white gates god says “Hey, Get the fuck out, we don’t have room for you in this place.”
Even in death im rejected
What else should I have expected
I’m A loner,I’m A loser who has no friends
Jesus christ himself wouldn’t of loved me, if I hung myself on the cross instead
I close my eyes for the last time, I dream of the dark
I guess I don’t mind that fact that I don’t belong anywhere
Well,I’ll just pretend like I don’t care.
Sometimes I just feel like ripping myself apart. Turning myself inside-out, to understand why I am the I am. To understand why I feel the way I feel, because I know I’m the only person that cares to figure it out. I’m the only one that takes the time to see whats inside of me. I’ll die knowing the only person who really knew me,was me. To show a piece of my soul for any human to see would be worthless it would just be thrown away like Thursdays trash. The depth of a person is no longer relevant in this modern life. The rich have more important places to be and things to see, and the poor well they’re not looking for souls, the poor they’re digging around trash hoping for gold. Distractions of this artificial world are leading us to lose sight of our selves. No longer are we exploring into the further,further into our selves,into lovers,into our world. I have to rip myself apart to keep me grounded. I’ve spent all these years thinking I was the one detached from everyone else. Now I’m beginning to realize maybe I’m the only one that stayed intact.
I remember the day you said I’d be nothing without you
My stomach sank because for a moment I thought it might be true
Now im the one moving on and im the one growing
You’re stuck inside your twisted ways
Your roots unable to form deeper in the dirt
You’ve stunted your own growth with the poison that leaves you deteriorating
In your mind your superior, the hallucinogens have altered you
You’re in a different universe
In reality your nose is pointed in a corner and your staring at wall
Your feet keep moving but you’re going nowhere, you’re going nowhere at all.
You’re so beautiful ,and you have no clue.
The way you stare when you’re thinking
God you’re so cute I could eat you up, I would devour you.
I wonder if you know how fast my heart pounds when I look at you
I wonder if you know I’d turn myself inside out just to make you smile if you were blue
Because I’ve been to hell and back then hell again
I’ve been waiting for my heaven , and the heaven I found was you.
I find myself to be an empty shell with nothing ,but scrapes and bruises.
I am almost translucent.
I don’t see much for my future,until I escape you and learn to give my self depth.
The depth I never had a chance to get.
You punched and kicked to steal it from me.
I’m finally free, free of the blood I used to drowned in.
My empty shell,weighed down by regret,I would sink to the bottom.
I’ve learned to let go, hold my breath and float to the top.
I take my first gasp of air, and today’s the day I learn to breathe again.